Saturday, November 30, 2002


Sorry for disappearing. (Not blogging for two days is disappearing to me. Sorry.) I've been wracking my brains for some serious D/G-ing, and then running around trying to get school in line. I'll be SO happy on Christamas break.

Well, serious D/G-ing wouldn't be complete without friends like Alli. I've been calling her all hours of the day and night just to talk about Draco, Ginny, and the wuberly Draco Trilogy (that I seriously reccomend! Jae, it's gen!Draco! Fun). Now I've recently uploaded another angst D/G piece and now I'm ready for a multichapter. Oh, Lord save my soul. Well, as long as I've Alli and Harle and Mai and Charlie, I should be fine. I should be.

More school wankering. Later.

She gunned them down | 1:43 AM

Wednesday, November 27, 2002


I agree with her, and no, I have no intentions of making Draco a sex god. Er. It just doesn't fit into my general principles. I, rather, make blubbering angsty idiots off people who are, actually, pretty sane. (Except for Shinji. That kid is angsty enough without me tweaking him, so I evolve him into WAFF!Shinji.) I think I'll have sexy!Tom=Draco for my personal enjoyment only. XD

Anyway, I like AU as AU for Draco/Gin. Gives me a lot of room to angstify him. Well, judging on base personal opinion, Draco should be a really angsty kid. Always finshing second to Harry. Basically, I can go from there. Jae, if you don't mind lots, can you check my Draco if he's starting to devolve into BIGfandom!Draco? As in, massesFandom!Draco?

Oh, my. This makes me want to write that challenge from Harle for Draco/Hermione. Pretty. HEY! Did these two go there on a DATE? I see no one else from the cast around. Ohohohoho.

Surfing right now for Watson, Felton, and Radcliffe. Later days.








She gunned them down | 8:00 PM

Tuesday, November 26, 2002


More. Daniel. More. Tom. Must. Have. Potter. Must. Get. To Britain. Must. Now.

She gunned them down | 8:02 PM


Because Ekai is sad, very sad

That's it, I've just got to tell the whole, wide world: I fell in love with Draco Malfoy.

Rather, I fell in love with fandom!Draco and fandom!Ginny and Tom Felton. It doesn't help that the boy has posters all over the place and that Dan Radcliffe just looks so.. messy in them. And Tom has to look so perfect. And I had to read "Conceit" and I had to, I had to, I had to see that LJ icon of a really, really bish Draco. Hell. I am in hell. Gimme D/G now. Gimme gimme gimme. It's just not fair.

Okay. I'll try very hard to explain this now.

Last year, when the first Potter movie showed, I fell promptly in love with Daniel Radcliffe. The kid who plays Harry. A lot of my batchmates were falling all over 'the Draco kid! The Draco kid!~'. I saw the trailers and was not impressed. I saw the movie and was not impressed. I went home a Radcliffe fangirl.

When the first ads and articles about 'Chamber' came out, I went drooling again over dear Dan, all grown-up and oh-so-noble. Made me just want to yell "Dan! Marry me!". When the 'making' specials came out on TV, I was glued to the screen, staring, staring at Dan (and, of course, Emma, who looks lovely without all that bushy hair). I saw the movie and was placated.

Then I read "Of Inscrutable Conceit", which is, really, the root of all this evil.

I read "Conceit" with Felton in mind. It's because even though he has just one very good sneer, he's, to me, a convincing enough Draco. The Ginny I had in mind was not Bonnie Wright at all, I had Emma Watson as Ginny (try that once, it's cute).

BAM.

Hit me right in the face and I couldn't do a thing.

Then I found Arabella's "The More is My Unrest". Ah, balderdash, frustrated!Draco and confused!Draco!!~ Sweet.

BAM.

And then Linda pointed me to Opaque's "Crown of Scars".

I have to admit that "Crown of Scars" is a rather 'unreal' piece. It has a lot of typographical errors and some grammar inconsistencies, plus things that Gin and Draco never would have said otherwise. It's very dark and the emotions are fleeting, but they are nonetheless raw. I understand what the author was trying to portray and I give her kudos for a great plot. It falls under the genre I call 'unjustified WAFFy', even though the fic has more angst than WAFF, it just hit me with lots and lots of sweet things in the right places and all delirium broke loose.

Now, to the issue of Tom Felton.

It's rather obscure because if you know me from high school I was a staunch Daniel fan. VERY staunch in fact that at heights of my fangirlism I went to all the bookstores I could find for magazines with Potter, Potter, Potter features. I cut up the pictures and placed them all over my binders, notebooks, walls. I was obssessed.

I still think I'm a staunch Daniel fan because, well, I did make the first chapter to that OC fic I had before D/G phenomenon. I never make fic for bish I don't drool over. It's a rule. Anyway, moving on-- this switch from Dan to Tom is really, really weird for me. Really, really weird. It's like the way I began with Li Syaoran-madness. In fact, forget all semblance of sanity, I AM rambling madly. Forgive, forgive, I only rave once. Or twice.

That LJ icon HAD to get me.

That Tom picture HAD to get me.

Gimme good Draco/Ginny. Come on, please? Write me good Draco/Ginny? Jae? Write me good D/G? Please? Sophie! Draw me D/G? Please? I am in need of serious Draco therapy. I am in need of serious help.

I want Tom Felton pics. Point me?

I want more Draco/Gin. Point me?

I want. I really, really want. Please? People?

I also wrote: this just last night. D/G. Because I couldn't find any I made it. >.>

She gunned them down | 7:21 PM


I write D/G. I write D/G on finals week. Ph34r.

Harle's been going 'round calling Lucius Malfoy as "Luscious" Malfoy. Feh. >.>


She gunned them down | 3:28 AM

Sunday, November 24, 2002


Well, I'm very glad she likes my D/G piece. Even though it WAS a rather very small piece. Anyway. Was checking my FF.n stats just now and came across some anonymous new reviews in the CCS department. I don't know who it is but for God's sweet sake, if they can just please, get off my back on the CCS bit. Can I declare it now? Can I declare it now?

I am ABANDONING CCS fandom until further notice.

Chibi-Asuka: People, rant coming through. It's not gonna be pretty.

Ever have that tendency to further resist when outside forces are making you do things you're not exactly inclined to do? You know. I have to confess I had tendencies to go back to CCS fandom, maybe because I wanted to finish the last two oneshots to complete the "Beautiful Alone" arc. And I wanteed to finish "Could've Been" and "Nocturne". Do I have to go through this again?

I was bloody stagnating in CCS fandom. There was nothing there I could write about. Nothing I hadn't yet explored. Nothing I wanted to do. Nothing I hadn't done. Nothing. I stared at blank pages of notebooks and was frustrated to no end until I came to the conclusion that I had nothing left to do there.

I distinctly remember Oneesama-tachi taking their respective breaks from the fandom. Ne, Oneesama, have you had any cases of people like these?

I moved fandoms because, as I already told her last night, I wanted to grow up. You can only take CCS so far in your life.

I hope I never address this issue again. And nothing CCS will move. At all. I just don't care anymore. I think I'll even put all unfinished work up for adoption. Yes, I think I'll do just that.

Adopt: email Ekai for details

"Nocturne"
"Could've Been"
"Until You Do"



She gunned them down | 5:48 PM

Friday, November 22, 2002


Everything Eva running along smoothly, much thanks to the people of Otaku Board who are wuberly and, hey, knowledgeable.

No, it wasn't you I was referring to in the last rant. Just... some rather annoying people. Well, we all get our share of them. >.<

I'm still scouring for good Draco x Ginny. Point me?

She gunned them down | 11:15 PM


Ohohohohoho!~

I've saved some fics on disk to add to my collection and as I was browsing through my favorite authors list, I found quite a lot of Potter fic. Since I've been wanting to write Potter for some time now, I figured that having good fic as reference would be a good deal. Anyway. I went through the usual Ron/Hermiones, and the usual Harry introspection pieces and some Harry/Ginny WAFF (which did not appeal to me much), and then I found--

Draco x Ginny.

Ohohohohoho!~

After watching Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets, I went off to write what was supposed to be my first HP fic. I was exchanging SMS with Maia at the time and was bemoaning the fact that I had no canon characters to thrust Harry with because Hermione had Ron (and I am a sucker for Ron/Hermione) and Ginny just didn't appeal to me all that much. Not for Harry, anyway. Cho Chang was visibly distraught after Cedric's death and I doubted she could have romantic allusions for the boy who indirectly caused the death of her last boyfriend. Besides, she was too old. Moaning Myrtle annoyed me to extents usually only reached by Yuuki Miaka, and she was dead. The Firebolt, although interesting and canon enough, was just 'ick' for me. And so, after much deliberation with sisters, I decided that I had to breathe life to my first Original Character. [Details on this later].

Personally, as she well knows, I don't have a lot of taste for OCs, and would much rather stick to characters in the series themselves, if for anything else, to preserve authenticity. But seeing as desperation had measures to be observed, and I really, really wanted Harry fic, I had to DO something. And so, I did.

She's not called the "Keeper of Gates Between Worlds" for nothing. Harle's had a lot more experience in OC than I have in my whole ficcing career and she offered lots of invaluable help for the OC I had in mind. Her name was to be Ariadne Parthenos, a Greek fifth-year Harry's age. That's basically everything I should reveal about her. Anyway..

-- back to Draco x Ginny. I must say that Jae is a genius. I read "Of Inscrutable Conceit", her Draco x Ginny piece, and was promptly astounded. Then I read "The More is My Unrest" by Arabella and Jedi Boadicea and was sufficiently sparkling by the time I closed the page. In short, I have fallen nothing short of obssessing over Draco x Ginny. Which, as you now well know, is your cue to ph34r m33.

I DID say I always preferred canon characters instead of OCs. Besides that, Jae's Ginny is just so horribly un-cute and yet ever so sparkly at the same time. She was bloody perfect. Which only spurred more of me on. Her Draco was also sufficiently suave, and by the time he was done drawling I was going 'hanyaan!~'. In short, I adore you, Jae Young!

I'm not about to abandon the Harry fic. Well, not just yet, but I'm slapping a [semi-hiatus] sign on it, and I'm off to write lots and lots of wubly Draco x Ginny. God, Draco. You fine specimen of a man, you. In her words, hijo de puta, muy guapo! And you, Ginny darling, are too pretty. Prettyyyyyy. Ekai LIKES pretty things.

Chibi-Asuka: Yep, she's at it again. Soon she'll forget about "The Pantheon" and those other projects she has in store.
Chibi-Rei: I don't mind.
Chibi-Asuka: You never mind anything, Wondergirl.
Chibi-Rei: So long as she's on that hype, she can't write weirdflirty!Kaworu.
Chibi-Asuka: *shudders* Scheisse, you're right.

Official List of Fics to Fic [updated]:

1. The Pantheon-- gets top priority at the moment.
2. One widdle Draco x Ginny oneshot. It won't hurt, pwomise. ^-^
3. That bloody Kaworu x Rei oneshot.
4. That Asuka-loves-Shinji-loves-Rei-loves-Kaworu oneshot. It's much too fun.

Official List of Fics On Hiatus [updated]:

1. All CCS fic including Could've Been, and Nocturne.
2. Harry x OC fic.
3. Oogami x Sakura fic
4. Leni x Iris PWP Numero Dos [lurv that term, yesh]
5. That Haruka x Michiru I had planned.

Official List of Fics As Presents [updated]:

1. Illusione Part Two: Tempeste for the imouto-tachi
2. It's Not Unusual; Eriol x Tomoyo mindless humor for the pantheon
3. Dissonance; Leni x Iris PWP humor/angst/randomness for Oneesama
4. Chapter 10 or 11 of Masquerade for Varon and Linda
5. Random Kenyako for Eves-chama
6. Random Shinji x Asuka for the wuberly Charlie D and Chris-chama

Official List of Fic on 2003 [updated]:

1. Shining Light; the Hikari fic to end all Hikari fics
2. Still; sequel to "If Only" [reediting. I'm very lazy.]
3. Ground Level; Heero x Relena AU

Yep, I think I'm about done. Go me?

Oh, and check profile. I wrote Draco x Ginny fic. ^-^

She gunned them down | 3:57 AM

Wednesday, November 20, 2002


I need at least two people to beta "The Pantheon". They have to know their EVA and should be ready for interesting debate. Should be able to withstand extreme angst and WAFF to certain degrees at the same time. Volunteers?

In response to several emails, reviews, and accostations on various messenger systems: I am on a break from the CCS fandom. I don't care whether you threaten me or sweet-talk me; nothing CCS is moving and this is final. Two months will not be enough for me to distance myself from the fandom. I don't care whether you bombard me or hound me. Nothing CCS will move. Nothing. Intiende? Any more and ph34r Chibi-Asuka. I mean it.

To the gracious people still *waiting* for Masquerade's Chapter 10; "Left", the thing will be posted in my Yahoo! group sometime when I get the energy to type ExT.

snippet for perusal of the masses:

"The Pantheon"
by Ekai Ungson

--begin snip--

The girl took two steps into the lobby, silent. The only sound reverberating was her feet on the tile floor.

She stopped short and turned around.

"Why are you following me?"

"Because you are silent," came the reply from the Fifth, along with his best disarming smile.

The First, she known as Ayanami Rei, was neither disarmed or impressed. She turned and kept walking.

When one is alone, spaces, no matter how minute they are, seem to extend into vast and boundless terrains. Thus, the First Child, in her aloneness, felt as if she were drowning in a world of unconstrained nothingness when, in fact, the enclosed space was as it had always been. Just enough to let humans breathe.

Breathe.

One more lobby later, she turned around once more.

"Why are you following me?"

"Because you are beautiful," came the ready reply, smile still in place.

She stared at him for a long time. I am like you.

No, you're not. I cannot be as happy.

She turned around and kept walking. Walking, walking, without a lot of direction. These walls and halls were familiar to her, were her home. There was nowhere she could go here that she had not been. And there was nothing outside that interested her.

She turned a corner and met the Fifth's eyes.

"Why are you following me?" she asked, for the third time.

"Because I fancy you," he replied cheerfully.

She stared. "You fancy everyone, Nagisa."

His smile widened. "Is that not a good thing?"

--end snip--

Okay. Violent reactions are welcome. I wanted to react violently myself. This thing is lacking something but I can't quite correct it. It's undergone seven revisions and the results are inconclusive. In short, this needs help.




She gunned them down | 11:15 PM


Remember numerous scenes from Gundam Wing when Heero, before he a.) self-destructs his Gundam, b.) launches into space, c.) kills somebody-- he always says one word, one little word?

It was Relena's name.

Which brings me to my next point of discussion:

Evangelion Case File Numero Uno: Call Me.

In my research for lots and lots of EVA technicality (because the series itself is, in fact, bloody messy) I stumbled across a nicely done page for the screenplay of End of Evangelion. I remember watching EoE on a hot summer day in a hot room with Yukito-san and Jun-kun without watching the series in entierty and asking Yukito-san, every once in a while, "Nee, Yuki! Why is so-and-so being like-this-and-that?". Patient Yuki and Jun-kun tried their very best to explain stuff to me after which, I boggled further on. At the end of the film, I went, "So Shinji ends up with Asuka?" and Yukito-san said "Yes, Kari-san", then I jumped up and down and yelled like mad. Yay.

Anyway, back to that screenplay. I never realized until I had it on black and white in front of me that Shinji actually says Asuka's name in almost every scene he has. It's usually followed up by an "I need you" or a "Help me" but, hey, case in point.

Chibi-Asuka: Take that, fans of the Wonderdoll!
Chibi-Ekai: Bloody hell, Sohryu, shut the heck up! Respect the Rei fans.
Chibi-Asuka: Why? You don't like Rei, either.
Chibi-Ekai: Itaii.

It's kind of hard not to think things when a boy keeps saying the name of a girl, repeatedly, in different situations. A few weeks ago, she and I were discussing on the nuances of Gundam Wing, (they can NOT be yaoi!, wailed Maia) when she reminded me of the fact mentioned above about Heero whispering Relena's name every chance he got. Which proves (or at the very least fuels) everything I stand for and believe about Shinji x Asuka.

Erk. Better post in a second.

She gunned them down | 8:40 PM


Luna finally sent me her fanart for "Masquerade". For people who wanna see, the link is here. I also have hard copies of her fanart for "If Only For A Day", "Could've Been", "Starcast", "To Catch A Falling Star", and other fics. Luna was my primary beta and best friend in fourth year high. Lots of my stuff went to dedicate themselves to her, including "Masquerade". Go check her site out over here. You'll like her fanart. She's cool. ^-^

Well, I met with Maia and Charlie D today. Charlie D, you ought to stop printing out fanfic! Bloody heck! It's a waste of paper and ink that could be put to better use!

Chibi-Asuka: Y'know what, it's no use.
Chibi-Ekai: >.<

I've found it sheerly impossible to fic at school these days. It seems as if my ability to write anywhere, at school, at home, on a PC, on paper, in public transportation or in stationary places, has gone pfffft. I've never been a picky writer. I can even write fic on my cellular phone. But these days, without a discman playing directly in my ear (it has to be either "Scarlet" from Ayashi no Ceres or EVA bgm or no dice) and 2b lead in my mech pen, I'm incapacitated.

Okay. "The Pantheon" is now OFFICIALLY the fic of the year to be completed. Everything else stand out of its way or else. I've been surfing the net for answers to a lot of my questions and am even interviewing people about canon EVA content. Now if anybody can help me in this department, I will worship thew ground they walk on. Heck, I need a lot of technical terminology for "Pantheon", which even if the series is abundant of, is sort of blurry to my already fuzzy mind. So far I've learned stuff by surfing, but this won't hold; I need better stuff than this.

Chee. Will ramble later.


She gunned them down | 2:44 AM

Tuesday, November 19, 2002


Verdammt. Here's the summary for "The Pantheon":

The gods can be worse than the mortals themselves. So who are they to look down on us?

The last eighteen days of the world are at hand. Man must decide on his own fate-- the salvation of his soul, or the very damnation of it.

Ikari Shinji witnesses a miracle of sorts when the supposedly brain-frozen Second Child, Sohryu Asuka-Langley, awakens from a comatose before his very eyes. Impassive Ayanami Rei comes to terms with her Self and finds resolution in the most unseeming of places-- with the Fifth Child, Nagisa Kaworu.

Meanwhile, Ikari Gendo strives to complete his ultimate goal as Katsuragi Misato searches for her atonement. Akagi Ritsuko, however, quests for Man's answer to the final equation of her life: does Man truly deserve Life?

All this within the last Eighteen Days of Judgment.

A retelling of the events leading to the "End of Evangelion" OAV.

She gunned them down | 7:20 PM


I got a swift hit from reality as I was reading reviews for "Aurora". A kind soul reviewed and, hey, it wasn't a long review, but it made a lot of sense to me. Basically, the reviewer said that I had a great thing going with the poeticism and big words department but that where everything else was concerned, the thing lacked.

Which was too true.

Examining my reecent work, I see that I've been dwelling on the verges of prose-poetry but never really a lot plot-wise. I got inspired by a lot of Jeannette Winterson, I think. I never get to write anything that I'm actually taking things from point A to point B. The last thing I wrote that had a plot was "Masquerade". After that, Everything else went downhill. "Could've Been" was put on hiatus because of exactly that. The plot lost itself in the middle of production. It happened to a lot of my multichapters. There was just... nothing in them.

I've got a plot ongoing for "The Pantheon" but I'm scared. I'm scared that my tendencies would slip and break and I'd be left with nothing but empty paper again. I guess it's something to the effect of an existential question.

Bah. Just woke up, and this probably doesn't make as much sense as it's supposed to.




She gunned them down | 7:04 PM


New link: Oneesama's Reni ramblings.

She gunned them down | 2:17 AM

Monday, November 18, 2002


Suddenly I remembered exactly why I didn't like changing templates a lot... It's because the bloody things are really hard to tamper with. Bloody, this. >.<

She gunned them down | 9:53 PM


This blog has been submitted to Asuka-sition. Wehehehe. Like? I've been working very hard. ^-^

She gunned them down | 9:41 PM


New fic:
Aurora: Evangelion entry to the WAFF-athon challenge (see, I told you I could still write WAFF) and
What is Live Spelled Backwards?: CCS parody; prequel to the notorious "Maniax" fic and due exit [til further notice] from the CCS fandom. Read, peruse, ph34r. (Oh, and the "What is.." fic will HAVE typos. It's because I revised some things just last night and I was too tired to fix them properly. Gomen nasai to the masses.)

And since she will let me have no peace until I write her fic, ANY fic (and because of this I wub her to bitty bits anyway), I'm going on to write:

The Pantheon; Evangelion multichapter, verdammt!
Erase; Evangelion oneshot: featuring one confused!Rei and one fascinated!Kaworu. !Characteristics subject to change, and, oh, it's a PWP.
Erode/Another Girl's Paradise; Evangelion oneshot: semi-inspired by "A Midsummer Night's Dream" by Shakespeare. Apologies for plot distortion and, uh, other things. And even though it's comedy-inspired, it's still laden with my patented angst, so...

Today, there's a color contact lens-tryout booth at school. Lately, in an attempt at 'getting into character', I've been wearing my hair like Asuka's, talking like Asuka, dressing like Asuka (yes, lots and lots of red is very good) and even thinking like Asuka-Langley. I don't know if that makes me weird or anything, but I did it when I was ficcing CCS. I dressed, wore my hair, talked and acted like Kinomoto Sakura. It's something subliminal.

Anyway, back to that contac lens booth. Since they were giving out free trials, I told Harle (who has been increasingly supportive of my Asuka spiel, wub!~) "Well, what the heck? Since I'm on the Asuka spiel I might as well make the most of it."

I tried blue contact lenses on, and Harle said that they were pretty. But when I put on the green ones, Harle said they looked better. Hmm.

She gunned them down | 8:20 PM

Sunday, November 17, 2002


I watched Genesis 11 of Evangelion yesterday, which included the episode "At Least, Be Humane; Don't Be." which is about Asuka and her, shall I say, rather sensitive origins. Basically, I think a whole lot cleared up for me, but then there were more questions that were raised with my answers. Heck.

All I can say is, poor kid.

I really mean that. Poor kid. *spoiler!~* When her hair was all down in front of her face and she was writhing in utter agony because that blasted Angel had the audacity to rape her mind... Shit. All I could think of was bloody fucking shit.Not Asuka. Not sparkling, shining, gleaming Asuka reduced to nothing by that awful monstrosity. I mean, I know she was going too far when she shucked protocol and wanted the shot instead of Rei, and that it was her own fault anyway for not following Misato, but still. No kid deserves that. Also, the thing when they wouldn't allow Shinji to go to Asuka because his Eva was supposed to be frozen... CRAP. I really, really, really hate you, Ikari dummkopf. Where's that fucking bravado you had with the last Angel? Can't even save a dying girl from harm. Idiote.

She doesn't desrve that. She really doesn't. I was torin in wanting to pull her out of the way, make Shinji pull her out of the way, or slap her because it was her fault. Poor, poor kid. God, Ayanami should've taken that shot. *end spoiler!~*

Well. The next Eva fic I have for perusal is still being beta'd by the utterly talented Chris. So, no fic for this week. I haven't been writing a lot (it's called uninspiration) but hey, at least I've got stuff to read from her and her.

She gunned them down | 7:27 PM

Saturday, November 16, 2002


Today's new link is Serena-san. She reminds me that there is still hope for humanity, which is, in short, new (unread by me) CCS fic to peruse.

God, I do miss CCS fic.

It's been a long time since I've found myself surrounded with so much good CCS fic that it's sort of funny, the way I reminisce, spending whole days in internet cafes reading and rereading "Kitaku" and "Akogare" and "A Capella". When I was in thrid year high school, I had a notebook with lists of fics to read and where to find them. I was on the internet every other day just so I'd know what happens next in "Turn". As my horizons broadened CCS-wise, I found people like Jae and Eves and I had more more CCS fic to drool on and be inspired from. "Discordant" was wonderful. "A Young Man's Fancy" was wonderful. And then there were other things.. from Wen's "Creak of Dawn" to that Tin-soldier story (I forgot the title, I'm sorry!).

All those fics from happy times now past. I ficced CCS mainly fueled by those things.

Today, I have copies of "Haikei", "Kitaku", "A Capella" and a bunch of oneshots from Eves and Chelle on storage at my PC. I reread them time and again when I find myself wanting to be hit with so much EriolxTomoyo to knock me down senseless. They hold the same charm and power they did as I first read them.

I miss the days when I could find good CCS fic. Not to say that I don't find new good fic now, it's just that I have, well, gone through most of the things I have on my notebook list and well, there's not a lot new coming out. I miss the days when I could look at my list and find myself clicking away with so much to read I was swamped. Today, I do not find the time and energy in myself to dig through the dredges to find diamonds.

Have I found enough?

She reminds me that I haven't.






She gunned them down | 9:44 PM

Wednesday, November 13, 2002


Rei + Kaworu piece will be entitled "Erase". It will come into being in the event that Charlie D gives me his Evangelion CD collection. Yes, that's your cue to ph34r m33.

*

Unrequited!Asuka is fun to write.

Of course, to me, fun is getting into a depressed state that cannot be humanly possible. And then some. But when I write unrequited!Asuka, I feel... wonderful. She makes me laugh and cry at the same time when she's screaming "Verdammt!" all over the place and raising her fist in the air. I love her when she's trying to convince herself that she's "not in love with that dummkopf!~". I lover her when she tosses her hair and boggles at the world in general. I love her when she looks out and marvels at the world she's in. I love her in red, under the sun, or the moon. I love her when she tries to simplify her complicated world. I love her when she raises her eyes to the sky, ever hopeful that she will someday be loved, ever wishing to hear those three little words addressed to her by anyone.

"I love you."

She is beautiful in adversity.


She gunned them down | 8:00 PM

Tuesday, November 12, 2002


YES!~ Plagiarist has now been banned off FF.n!~ WE BLOODY RULE!~ ^-^ I'm so happy.

Okay, I'm getting myself to school now.

She gunned them down | 8:31 PM


Well, the plagiarized fic is off. However, I'm not yet done. She's writing two RenixIris!~ Two!~ I feel wonderful. Especially the jealous!Reni part. You will finish soon, right? Right? Oi, on Sakura Taisen-- what do you say to OogamixSakura? (I know he's a loser. I know, Oneesama. Still, you cannot fault his, shall we say, noble side. Erk.)

I know I'm not supposed to be writing CCS (I'm on a break!) but it's really obscure-- I swiped this CD from my mom and it contained that "Wonderful Journey"(?) song from Anastasia, which, according to her some time ago, was the ULTIMATE SyaoranxSakura song.

Nope, I'm not ficcing CCS. Not until I get through all the Eva fic I want and "Iris" is out for the masses.

Speaking of Eva fic and fandom. I did say once that I was deathly afraid of them peoples? Well. I worry no more.

People in the Eva fandom are nice. They are nice in the sense that they actually analyze and reanalyze your fic. Then they give you good review. I have to say that the sanest reviews I have so far (excluding those from the oneesama-tachi and the imouto-tachi) are for "A Piece of Glass".

They like me. They really, really like me. They like me despite of the fact that I am a lemming newbie, I haven't exactly see Eva in a long time (and entirely), and I have mostly incoherent stuff.

That's so obscure.

The official fic-list:

"Filia Lunae"; a Shinji piece [Evangelion]
"Discourse"; RenixIris PWP (yep, love that word) [Sakura Taisen]
"Dissonance"; SakuraxOogami [Sakura Taisen]
"Iris"; bloody KurapicaxNeon [HunterXHunter]

Yep, that should do, in addition to a ReixKaworu piece I'm still pondering..








She gunned them down | 8:10 PM




Which X/1999 characters are you?

Quiz made by Chesa

I retook two different X tests and Arashi comes up everytime. I bloody rule. ^-^

Pisaygurl (whoever she was) took the plagiarized fic down. That was almost obscurely, too easy... Anyway! Shoutouts are in order to the great people in the..... Otaku Board!~~ Wub, people. WUUUUB.

Harry Potter is showing here in three measly days. Ph34r Ekai in -Dan-Radcliffe- mode. Wehehehehe. ^-^




She gunned them down | 1:25 AM

Monday, November 11, 2002


Uploaded A Piece of Glass. Hope you like. I am still taking measures against that plagiarist. *sighs*.

Sometimes, believeing in humanity is too hard for any of us...

She gunned them down | 8:52 PM


I am naturally an idealistic child. I think always of the best of people, that people are naturally good at heart, that maybe people make mistakes but atone for them just the same.

I never thought it would happen to me, but "Masquerade" has been plagiarized. Fully. Entirely. An author by the name of Pisaygurl has taken "Masquerade" in its entirety as far, changed the names of the characters, and posted it in the Original Fiction section of FF.net and parading it as her own. I have taken matters to the Fanfiction.net Abuse board and expect results soon. The story she has posted here is truly MY Masquerade. I cannot believe how people can stoop so low.

"Masquerade" is my EriolxTomoyo masterpiece. It's something I didn't just write out of sheer boredom. It took a lot of careful planning and a lot of rehashing and editing. I will not stand here and do nothing while some amateur triesd to take MY hard work and pass it off as hers. I demand retribution. I demand justice. There are only some things a girl can forgive, and this is NOT one of them. I. Will. Exact. What. Is. Due.

Maia!!!

Speaking of exacting what is due--

So. You do admit to everything that Harle's imouto accuses you of. I'm not just disappointed, not just mad. I'm hurt. To think that I would've protected you, risked a friendship with Mai and Harle for you, risked my name and reputation to save your soul and this is what you give me? I trusted you. I thought you were telling the truth, thought you were sincere when you said you were sorry.

You could've been my friend.

But if you could hurt your friend like that, if you could lie to her and deceive her that way, what more to us, who aren't even with you in the flesh? What more can you do to me, or Refe, or Mai, or Les, or Meemee?

I want none of the bloodshed that some people will predictably ask for.

All I do ask is for you to leave me alone. I will let my imoutos decide what they will have with you but should you deceive any single one of them I will have revenge exacted.

So I hope you understand now. I don't like being lied to. I would've given you another chance but it's three strikes, you're out, girl. I am sorry, but I'd rather you didn't show yourself to me anytime soon.







She gunned them down | 8:09 PM

Sunday, November 10, 2002


*hurls Shinji-fic to oblivion* ARRRRRRRGGGGGH!

Yeps, as promised, Charlie D, I made a Shinji piece. However, I hate it. I hate it with my whole soul, and it's new because I've never taken to hating any of my fics before-- I work too hard on them.

But the Shinji piece is too fragmented, too much an inconsistent mishmash. Too obscure to be called a fic. In short, I don't like it. I hate Shinji. I shouldn't fic Shinji when I need to rewatch series. Bluffing an Ikari is too strange.

Chibi-Asuka: There's not much there to bluff with, nee, Ekai?
Chibi-Ekai: You shut up or I'll hurl you next.

If anybody can give me a proper characterization of Ikari Shinji I'll be muchly thankful, and then some.

*three minutes later*

Okay. I've just been blog-trolling and there's another blogwar coming up somewhere. It's about her imouto versus one of MY imouto-tachi. This is getting a little bit surreal, I do think. *sighs*.

Slegna, you don't have to be afraid of Harle or any more defensive if you really know that what you're saying is true. You are innocent until proven guilty.

Do you hear me? Nobody spills any blood until I bloody get to the bloody bottom of this mess. I think we should all cut Elizte some slack. Just because she made a mistake once means that she's been doing it all the time. This is what people call prejudice.

You know I love you. But you know what the word imouto means to me. Please don't do anything rash. This is the only thing I ask of you here today.

I'm going to text Elizte. I'm going to cross-reference everything I know. Try to see from every point of view humanly possible. Be fair, guys. I know you're mad and I know why. I just don't want anyone hurt until we can get to the bottom of this. Please do NOT do anything to Elizte.

I hate to say this. I really do. But lay a hand on any of my imoutos without due process will result into something I might not be able to forgive. Not just for Elizte but for all of them: Choco, Meemee, Les, Refe. Should anyone hurt anybody else without proving wrongdoing will be something I have to declare war for. I love you. And you, too. But for the love of God and everything we have vowed before, as sisters, do not lay a hand on Elizte until I sort this all out. Please. If I have to be the one protecting her then so shall it be.

I will risk your wrath for my sisters any damned time.

Don't do anything any of us will regret any time soon. Please.

Elizte: I am prepared to protect you at any variable cost as long as I am convinced that you are innocent of these accusations. Please be worthy of that protection. I am risking my friendship with Harle and Mai for siding with you. If you can provide me with evidence that you are truly without fault, I will fight anybody who says to the contrary. However, should I find out that you have lied, to me and to all of us...

Elizte, please don't be.

Please.




She gunned them down | 7:43 PM

Saturday, November 09, 2002


I finished the 2nd EVA fic. Charlie D, you're wonderful. And yes, Asuka throws the hissy fit of her life like there's no tomorrow. Now for the Hunter X fic...

I've been listening to a lot of poprock ballad lately. "Breathing" by Lifehouse is doing wondes for my soul. "Broadway" by the Goo Goo Dolls, as well. I have said that CCS fandom, break, no? Anyway, because a few people requested; one last ExT. Will be up by nextee. Puff.

I don't know. I'm SCARED of the people in the Eva fandom. Halp?

She gunned them down | 1:04 AM

Thursday, November 07, 2002


I actually wrote that hissy-fit!Asuka fic. Well, it's not done, but hey, at least Asuka's been going around Misato's apartment and throwing kitchen utensils.

Asuka: *hurls pot*
Me: *ducks*

See?

She writes really well. Haanyaan, I went, when I read her Fruits Basket stuff. Eee. And she has RK, and Kare Kano, and eee. Go. Read. Now.

Yuki's seiyuu is Kero-chan? Widdle Keroplushie-chan? *boggles*. Hora, that's not right.... La, well. Still a gorgeous boy from head to foot, that's all I'll say on the matter.





She gunned them down | 8:39 PM


Mee love, "Ich liebe dich" means "I love you" and yes, they are German words. ^-^ You shouldn't wish for that, m'dear. Write as best as you can but never look down on yourself. It's a bad business, that, but I suppose it comes with the territory. All this madness about fic and not liking what you write even if other people tell you you're wonderful, even when you're armed with the knowledge that you lose food and sleep over fic so it definitely just has to be perfect... It's just something, I think, that all writers go through. I should know-- my course puts me in with about 40 or more aspiring writers.

I am attempting to write Yukiru. If I come up with anything, will you be kind enough to beta me? (Oh!~ And I notice something about Yuki's seiyuu... confirm this but is it the same as Syaoran's?)

I'm currently prioritizing writing Eva and HunterX fic. I... want to branch out, right now. I feel like the CCS fandom, fun as it is, and extremely full of possibilities.. is the thing I especially need a break from. Like Oneesama and all the rest, I feel like I need a... break from CCS fandom in general. However, I will not leave fans hanging. That's not fair. I'll finish unfinished stuff, that much I promise.

Everything I told you today at Planet Goks is true. I will CONQUER!~ I want want want want!! ^-^

Oh, and I want that Sakura Taisen movie, too.









She gunned them down | 1:39 AM

Wednesday, November 06, 2002


Today's new links: Slegna and The Bishounen Project. ^-^

She gunned them down | 8:23 PM


Explanations:

Most of the stuff in "Whispers" was actually lifted off conversations (and musings I had while talking) with a male friend who just happens to be an Eva fan and a brooding poet to boot. Eh. Obscurely, I write Eva fic right after I talk to him. It's positively weird.

I'm still writing. I don't know, it's more like I can't STOP writing. I have a lot of ideas that need to be thrown out and forced onto paper. I have lots of things I want to prove to the general population. I have... issues.

I don't know, maybe it's in my blood or something.


She gunned them down | 8:16 PM


*looks over previous introspctive post* I knew I should've done something obscure about this...

*hurls aforementioned post into oblivion* That should do.

Because it was impossible to resist no matter how I tried anyway:

*

Whispers from Heaven
by Ekai Ungson

sorry, charlie, but it's another angstfic. >.< i hate me.

disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion copyright GAINAX and other related enterprises. Characters used without permission.

written in inspiration of a boy i know.

Whisper to my soul, have you any regrets?

How have you lived, why do you live the way you do? Are you happy, are you sad, are you alive? Who are you, who are we, who am I?

Whisper to my soul, why ask each othrer questions that are often devoid of any answers? Why all this talk about life, about death, about heaven and hell, and where we go after thanatos? Why all this confusion, why all this pain-- and why view death as the best escape from reality? Whisper to my soul, son of Adam. Let me know what you are most afraid of.

Whisper to my soul, and dance to the music only you and I hear. Tell me about your dreams, your nightmares, your strengths and your weaknesses. Show me no inhibitions, talk to me as if you were talking in your sleep. Do not be afraid of me. You will not lose yourself with me.

"Tell me, Third Child, of what you know about sunshine."

"... Pardon?"

"We talk so much of death and of dreaming, of love and of losing, of fighting, of failing, of purpose and of being. Tell me today, Ikari Shinji, what do you know about sunshine?"

The young man paused. "Sunshine... is warm and bright, and light."

The young woman sighed. "Someday, I want to feel like sunshine-- warm and bright, and light."


Whisper to my soul so I may see the last sparks of light within you. Whisper to my soul and prove that you are not darkness-- we are not darkness. Once upon a time in our lives we were sunshine. That was the moment of our birth. Everyday after that we died slowly.

Take one hand and press it flat against the surface of a glass mirror. What appears is not what is. Face obscured by fingers long eaten away by guilt and desperation, fingers used as instruments to fight unknown, unseen enemies. Tainted by blood and stained with tears. Shall this be who we are, shall this be what defines us? Pain and beings devoid of fullness of heart?

Whisper to my soul, that which is splayed against broken glass and cold charred metal-- that which still defies mere human tears. The best of me will not be defined this way, and what of you, son of Adam, what role will you play?

Play the cello for me, son of Adam, and pretend, even just this once, that we are dreamers. Circumstances have led us to believe that we are beings not worthy of dreams but of nightmares. A strange string of macabre instances have led us to believe that we are who we are. Play for me, son of Adam, as I dance in your honor. Let us pretend to be still pure, still beautiful, stillness.

*

What do you fight for? Freedom, liberty, love? Are we not all afraid inside? Honor, charity, forgiveness. Concepts we do not fully grasp yet advocate for.

Take your chords higher, son of Adam. Take it as far up in the sky as you can and whisper your woes to heaven so the angels may cry the tears you do not shed.

*

Do all human beings not seek beauty? Beauty in life, beauty in nature, beauty in the things we tell ourselves and each other? Do all human beings not seek identity? Who we are, why we are, how we should be? Sometimes I imagine that we have been made to believe that we have no life, no pleasure, no identity nor beauty. We have come to believe this so much that we have learned to deny that there were such things.

Whisper to my soul, son of Adam; and tell me what you find most beautiful in this world that we may save it before the coming of Armageddon.

Children, we are called. Children, a mocking name for our damned souls devoid of base purity. We are not Children. No longer Children. Were never Children. Lives so full of tragedy, of hate, we are not alive. We are exisiting for the purpose of Instrumentality.

*

This is what could've been:

A girl with hair red as the sun raises her face to the sky. Her blue eyes laugh with the melody of birds, and she smiles.

She never would have smiled otherwise.

Somewhere past the hill a woman's voice calls to the child. When reality is truth and truth is a fallacy, then reality is a fallacy. Her mother lives and the child is free to cry.

Grow up she may, maybe without as much angst, maybe spared of unnecessary struggles. But she will not be what she was in the end.
Normality in humans is non-existent.

When the Instrument is gone, then we shall be normal.

*

This is what could've been:

A boy cries beside the ruins of a sandcastle as the sun sinks itself into the horizon. Instead of the aloneness reality has dealt him, he is picked up by a man he can properly call father, and a woman who lioved long enough to be called mother. Dead to feeling, dead to beauty, he has learned to deny things such as love.

Grow up he may, but not dead to everything, not wretched, not silent nor complacent. Press your hands flat against a mirror, is it not cold? But he will not be what he was in the end.

When the Instrument is gone then we shall not be cold.

This is what could've been:

Hand in hand, the boy and the girl walk home, fighting battles not alone but with each other. In her eyes shine a light I have learned not to deny, and in her arms the whole world empties itself for me.

Hand in hand they look up at the stars in the sky without digressing on their origins or its symbols. Stars are stars, no question about it. Everything that I see in your eyes is all the truth I need to live.

Do you love me?

No lies, no empty words, no bitterness, no questions.

Yes.

We could've been happy children, happy people. But our world has been drained of this feeling that we have no propensity or capacity to be happy.

What is Happiness?

Why ask?


Dream yourself a happy dream, son of Adam, for of those you've had so little. Dreams and happiness. Close your eyes and try to lose yourself for a little while. Let the music of death fade into the night and let us have silence.

Let us have this to ourselves, for each other.

We shall not be haunted, just this once.

In the end, it was a girl-child sitting against a lone oak with the head of the boy-child in her lap.

Before the sun rises, before the stars dispapear, the girl-child presses her lips to the boy's with a soft sigh and these words:


Ich liebe dich.



--Owari--



She gunned them down | 7:31 PM

Tuesday, November 05, 2002


FAIRY TALE

Once upon a time there has a young CANDLE-MAKER named CHARLIE. He was TIRED KILLING in the FUN!~ forest when he met SPARKLY CARLOS, a run-away FICCATER from the EXCITING Queen HARLE.

CHARLIE could see that SPARKLY CARLOS was hungry so he reached into his GLASS and give him his ANDROGYNOUS PIE. SPARKLY CARLOS was thankful for CHARLIE's PIE, so he told CHARLIE a very BORED story about Queen HARLE's daughter MAIA. How her mother, the EXCITING Queen HARLE, kept her locked away in a KUBO protected by a gigantic RABBIT, because MAIA was so SALACIOUS.

CHARLIE KILLED. He vowed to SPARKLY CARLOS the FICCATER that he would save the SALACIOUS MAIA. He would TORTURE the RABBIT, and take MAIA far away from her eveil mother, the EXCITING Queen HARLE, and KILL her.

Then, all of the sudden, there was a OBSCENE MELANCHOLY and SPARKLY CARLOS the FICCATER began to laugh. With a puff of smoke he turned into the gigantic RABBIT from his story. EXCITING Queen HARLE WROTE out from behind a CELLPHONE and struck CHARLIE dead. In the far off KUBO you could hear a KAZAAM.

THE END.

Make your own Fairy Tale at fuali.com


She gunned them down | 7:24 PM


That was a surprisingly large clamor for "Masque". Linda, I will send you "the reason why" via email.

And no, I have NOT been unproductive. I actually wrote Eva fic.

Anyway. On speed-ficcing. I'm not exactly proud that I write as fast as I do. That's because speed makes up for the utter lack of plot I have in my stories.

Has anyone else noticed? My stories have no plot and are bits and pieces of good lines and introspections that I'm not exactly proud of. In short, in Tagalog, crap ito. I don't know why people like the way I write and deliver. Sometimes I do, but that was before I had this epiphany.

I envy writers whose stories are driven and are going somewhere. They remind me of the lack of direction I have in mine. My imouto-tachi, for example, write the nicest fics I've read recently.

I write angst because it borders on introspection. Introspection is stationary. It's the easy way out of an easy way out. Just take one scene, digress on people's feelings, cut scene, and add water. Ta-da, you have a fic. My staying in this genre is not a good sign. It means that I'm quickly running out of things to say. You can only go so far that way, and I think I'm on the very brink of it. I've exhausted all of my possibilities. There is nothing out there, no sad feeling, no heartwrenching line that I haven't said.

I've become stagnant.

Yesterday, I showed her the Eva fic I wrote, "Whispers from Heaven". As she was reading it, I came to a startling conclusion.

"Whisper" is nothing but really, really good lines jumbled together attempting to pass itself off as a story. It has no plot, no direction, no character devlopment, there's not a lot there, really.

Harle told me that maybe I needed a break, and I've tried. My WAFF is horrible, my comedy flat, my characters askew and my plots are nonexistent.

Tell me why I shouldn't stop ficcing now.

She gunned them down | 7:23 PM

Sunday, November 03, 2002


Current ficcation:

"Dream Chaser" has been put on hiatus. I think you get to that when you haven't written a word for nearly a month.

"Masquerade" will be discontinued on FF.n until further notice. For people who want the next chapter, send me your email addresses.

"Until You Do" is undergoing a LOT of tweakage.

Imouto-tachi fic arc has been shelved for the moment to make room for a few things.

New stuff that won't come out til next year:

"Diosa"-- Kaitou Saint Tail. It's because I shouldn't be left alone with eleven VCDs.

"Piece of Heaven" and "The Bridesmaid's Dillemma"-- Card Captor Sakura. The last parts of the "Beautiful Alone" arc. Takes Sakura through Syaoran's wedding. It's because I'm evil.

Social:

You love me. ^-^ Thanks for the fic.

You listened to me rant. You're wonderfulness personified. ^-^

You should give me more of "Blanche".

Other stuff

Should I write Evangelion fic?

Oh, and someone tell me the title of the Hamasaki song that was the opening theme for the PS game "Thousand Arms"?


She gunned them down | 7:38 PM

this girl

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