Tuesday, June 25, 2002


Haaanyaaaan.

I need inspiration of some sort.

Inspiration. Why does it come in just teensy weensy bits? Why can't I have inspiration last for a full multichapter? Why do I get inspiration only for a few oneshots here and there??

I got inspired last week and wrote two, read 'em, two, ExTs?!. They're not really ExT just a tad... it's more like them being NOT together that spawned it. The first, "He Who Dreams Alone", has been snipped and is sittin on my FF.net document manager. It's finished in the notebook. The other, "The Whys and Wherefores of Wanting", is done in the notebook and is lovingly dedicated to Varon-chan, who I love.

But that's all there is. There hasn't been a new word in "Could've Been" (don't kill me, Chelle!!) and I tried to fic Roswell and Aa! Megami-sama to no avail.

Scrap!!

What's happening to me?

She gunned them down | 1:25 AM

Monday, June 24, 2002


Productive lil me posted Beautiful Alone on ff.net so go read now!!

And Could've Been is being a very good fic.... so docile... not demanding I write Tomoyo-centric. Good fic, very good.... ^-^

She gunned them down | 3:44 AM

Tuesday, June 18, 2002


And now, we return to our regularly scheduled weblog entry.

I've been wanting to write yuri for some time now, a little HarukaxMichiru for the dulcets. And maybe throw in some UsagixSeiya on the side (hides from evoul Mamoru fangirls). I used to be a Mamoru fangirl myself, but I kinda got... disillusioned. Eep? But.. well. I can read yuri, but I can't bring myself to write it. Sometimes, I curse my Catholic upbringing. Argh.

It's always been hard for me to write "non-conventional" stuff. I was brought up in tame romance and sugar kawaiiness, and only when I entered the world of fanfiction did I know that such things exist. I want to write at leats ONE lemon-scented fic before I die, but all I seem to be making is a load of crap! I read, voraciously, Kit Spooner, Meg-san, and Chelle-sama. I have read Kitaku fifteen solid times. I have read Adam and Eve twenty times. But the good stuff doesn't rub off on me. I am a failure.

I like to think that I won't be stuck in the kiddie stuff forever. But all I can succesfully make is one Eriol evoul enough but he's just not EVOUL that way, y'know?

I'll read Lie to Me once more.

And then maybe I can stop writing trash and create profundity.

She gunned them down | 10:33 PM

Thursday, June 13, 2002


Oh. Varon has left us. She pulled out her log and her site, and I am extremely saddened by this. She really is a gifted writer, and a good friend, and so, in her memory, I give her this vignette, and the entirety of "Could've Been". Varon, I love you. Fangirls rule.

Vignette: The Whys and Wherefores of Wanting

She kept her love wrapped around herself like a blanket, held it in her closed fist so tight. She held it lest one dulcet drop escape, and touch him, and scorch him. In that, and in this, she hid, clutching her precious self so she would not fall. She could not let him know, would not let him know, simply because she did not want his pity, as she knew he would give.

Twilight creeps in, softly and gradually, as its way, and it is again taken for granted, simply because it is such a part of evceryday life that none see dark and light struggle for dominance any longer. She sees this, and in herself also she is torn, because she also struggles between a desperation and a love. She longed to pull him back from his shadows, and melt him in the light he abhors, and hurt him. But touch him she could not, not even when he was close enough to touch, because she felt that if he felt her fingertips on his skin it would be enough to let him know of this obscure emotion the whole world called love. She however, called it delusion.

It matters not anymore whether she is pained, as pain has been a part of her life so much now, as she is immune to it, numbed to it. Yet, whenever that thing called
jealousy creeps up from behind her and her eyes are veiled with grey, she still feels each sting, because as long as he existed and as long as she lived he would still pain her, hurt her.

He hurt her by not knowing.

Varon, I'll miss you tons. Keep safe, friend. ^-^


She gunned them down | 11:46 PM

Tuesday, June 11, 2002


I want my comments and I want 'em now. Please work!

She gunned them down | 1:04 AM

Friday, June 07, 2002


Wahoo! Comments!!

She gunned them down | 3:05 AM

Thursday, June 06, 2002



which Episode II character are you?




Queen of Naboo. You could have a split personality - simply to hide who you really are. You are extremely polite and gentle. However, if needs be, you will take action and can be a very good leader. You have the power to make people believe in you - use this power. The one you love could also end up being the one you hate.



Eeeeeeeeeee!!!

She gunned them down | 3:17 AM


Okay. Final draft......

She gunned them down | 3:07 AM


Hello? Did it work?

She gunned them down | 3:04 AM


Uh huh. Changing templates

She gunned them down | 3:00 AM


I discuss ficcage today.

I'm tired.

Not that I'm tired of writing ficcage. I mean, come ON! Fic is my practical life. I have over twenty notebooks with unfinished, half-finished, half-baked and ideas-never-entertained simply on ficcage alone. I STUDY at DE LA SALLE for Creative Writing. For God's sweet sake. I breathe ficcage.

But I'm... well. I'm all written out. There are three ExT fics waiting to be breathed on (including "Could've Been", Varon, help!), the sequel to "Beautiful Alone", my first SxS in, like, a year, one SquallxRinoa, one KurapicaxNeon, one KaoruxKenshin, one KuramaxBotan AND one ShinjixAsuka. This does NOT include the various typeups for "Aoi Namida", "Until You Do", PLUS the sequels to "Chances Are", the "Belief" series, "Twenty Four Hours", and my other ficcage just lying around.

I'm so tired. And the PC still isn't fixed. In fact I'm so tired that I am currently unable to write anything. And I feel so bad, because when I do not write, I am useless.

Argh.

I know there was a point to this somewhere.... but now where is it?

She gunned them down | 2:26 AM


Ooh. Chelle has new stuff up. Will be back after reading!!

Oh. My. God. Now THERE'S a fic. Short and simple, straight to the point. No need for anything extra. Just really, really horrendously funny. Lmao.

And such propensity for EriolxTomoyo. Such fun. Such..... such. Very very cool. I feel so motivated now.

Oh. And complimentary compliments.....

Varon: for "Bathtub" and "OPK". Kaseeeee. I cannot get enough of her ExT. I feel so unworthy. To think that she likes my ClowxMadoushi/ExT makes me so so proud. Namann. Onee! Go! Write more!

And what are you saying, you sound so childish in your fics?? You're 18, man. I'm a year younger than you, how do you think I feel?!

B.Na: for "Psyche"; a first chapter, finally! God. I've been waiting so long for this fic to hit the roof. And now here I am, squealing. Eee.

Chelle: I already told ya! I LOVED "Confessing"! Go. Read that. I mean it. It's in my link list over there <-------

Okay. That ends here.... I haven't read enough good stuff. I'm so busy. Anyone. Mail me for fic recommendations. Come ON!

She gunned them down | 2:11 AM

this girl

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